Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
