do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
