To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
