the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
