Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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