mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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