I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
