I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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