I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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