just come out here and I will go home with you...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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