Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
