I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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