Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
