I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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