sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
