She just used a chaser for red wine.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
