How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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