Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
