i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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