He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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