I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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