I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
