remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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