nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
be right there i have to get my cape
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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