My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
