So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
