You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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