"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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