he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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