there's paper in my vomit.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
