I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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