there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
