If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
