I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
