It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
