those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
