You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
