Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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