I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
