Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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