I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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