So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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