stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
