Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
