My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
