Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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