one two three fourrrrnication!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
