Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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