I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
