I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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