I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
