i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i came on her dog
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
