I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
