I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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