people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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