I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
